you, me, us. (yepp… letter)

letter you me kiss winter snow
sooo he wants to take the dogs out tomorrow.

god knows what is gonna be talked about.

It’s like once you think that you are starting to become numb to the whole situation and everything ending. and, by the way i was actually going day to day only thinking about us a couple times a day, rather than the CONSTANT FLASHBACK REPLAYS that i was having trouble with at the start.

they just bust right into your life again don’t they.

i mean, we ended because he shut me out and became too dark and depressive that i just got tired of always being the one that fixed us. so as the months went by…we both knew it isnt getting better. we knew the day would have to come eventually. and it did.

although given that i have pretty much figured i got the rough end of the deal.
i give myself a pat on the back, for being so good about it. i mean, i have talked to many people about their breakups, and given lots of advice on what they should do to try and find a way to deal with what they were feeling. and i’m proud to say that even though i felt like there were about 10 books on my chest, didn’t eat, didn’t sleep cause my mind was on hyper drive and i couldn’t stop blubbering everywhere for the first few days…i managed to pick myself up and i think i was doing fine….untill, well, two nights ago really.

it’s just sad cause he is my first love. and i know who he really can be. it just seems that he’s lost himself over the past year or so… he called me to apologise about the things he was doing, so i dunno, maybe we can work things out possibly…or it may just be me getting my hopes up…for fuck sake…all i know is tomorrow is either gonna make or break my outlook on how i’m gonna handle my relationship.

so heres the rules on how i’m gonna play it:

best case scenario:
we take the dogs out, i give him a chance to open up to me and actually propperly talk to me about things and SUPRISE! he does…i tell him that i am happy we talked and would like to continue a friendship because i like being single for now and really don’t feel like putting any feelings on the line cause he is gnna have to gain my trust again. blah blah blah happy ending we are good friends and possibly get back together.

worst case scenario:

we go out…nothing has changed…he is just the same as before being all negative and is a hermit crab for emotion. i end up telling him that i had higher expectations of how the day was gonna go and i really cant be around the person who hurt me so bad without them making a proper effort to reach out to me other than just selfishly wanting my company without trying to fix things. not my problemooooo!

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